One of the most positive things in my life in the last couple of weeks, which has both shown me how good I’m feeling now and how much more positive everything is for me, is the incredible beauty of spring.
I can see it. I love it so much. I feel great just looking at trees!
Spring has been this beautiful ever since I live (and longer, of course). I was just never able to see it. I never looked at cherry trees during spring and thought “Hey, this is awesome and it makes me feel great!” – everything always was too awful; too overwhelming, too dark. It is not anymore. I am able see it now, and I appreciate that so fucking much.
And there’s just so fucking much of it, too! I see beauty every few meters in trees, plants, nature, the sun, the sky – and at night too, with street lights reflecting off of leavesm, lakes and the street!
Depression falling off my back this much lets me see beauty it prevented me from seeing all my life, which it used to pretend that life is awful and things are just bad overall. Now I know that it lied; that there’s so much beauty and awesomeness all around me.
Depression is a self-fulfilling, reality-distorting illness, and its very, very good at its job. But right now, for my life, it’s failing hardcore. And that’s so, so amazing!