I've recently built a photography archive on here, and from here on out, I will use this website as the main access to my photography. My iCloud Photostream will not be used anymore, at least not officially. The Photostream served me well due to being very easy and intuitive to use, but I got more … Continue reading Blog-Update: New Photography-Section; “Family”-Entry Extended
This January 2018, my former partner and I had to break up. Our depressions were triggering each other too hard. We just spent two great weeks together, and decided that we can't be in a relationship.
I just went through a bunch of old songs I used to like a lot. I found When I'm Gone by Eminem, which is about how he dismisses/ignores his child and family for his work, and being confronted for it by his young daughter. I watched its music video - and started crying hard. Not … Continue reading Feeling loved
Vor ungefähr einer Woche ist die Beziehung mit meinem Lieblingsmenschen auf einen Höhe-, bzw. in diesem Kontext Tiefpunkt gekocht. Unserer beider Depressionen und psychischen Eigenheiten die wir uns nicht aussuchen haben sich immer mehr gegenseitig verstärkt und verschlimmert.
It took over 24 hours for my brain battery to run out of juice. I didn't sleep well, 5 hours at most waking up a lot (as always in changed environments, and this was even an entirely new one), 2 more hours over the day, and I've been among people pretty much constantly. That's... incredible. … Continue reading Family
This. Oh dear.
I was depressed for the better part of a decade, and I spent most of it trying to die and not to die. I had become intolerant of the simplest parts of staying alive: eating, working, sleeping.
I crossed the road without looking.
I fell asleep in the bath.
I returned to suicidal matters for the third time that year.
I just wanted my brain to shut up, but on it went, year upon year. Then my emotions retreated, and I returned to numbness.
There are no easy ways to kill yourself, and few painless ways to die. Through all my planning, I was brought back to life raging, churning my suicidal ideation around and around in my mind as though it would curdle if I stopped.
Depression is relentless. It chips away your character until the only things left are the skeletal remains of your old self. I couldn’t…
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Dieses Jahr war eine komplette Achterbahn für mich in fast allen Bereichen außer denen, die vorher meistens Achterbahnen verursacht haben.
For a few minutes after having finished watching, I didn't know what to say. Everyone who knows me how rare that is - everyone who knows me probably never even ever saw me speechless. Episode 3 of season 4 of Sherlock hit me like nothing I have ever seen in any show, videogame, or movie. … Continue reading Finding an emotional needle in a haystack of self-protection
I just finished watching a lecture about love and autism, which talks a lot especially about social situations with autists.
I got a digital ancestry (family tree) from my grandparents for christmas. I actually never really looked into it, but I did now.