Blog-Update: New Photography-Section; “Family”-Entry Extended

I've recently built a photography archive on here, and from here on out, I will use this website as the main access to my photography. My iCloud Photostream will not be used anymore, at least not officially. The Photostream served me well due to being very easy and intuitive to use, but I got more … Continue reading Blog-Update: New Photography-Section; “Family”-Entry Extended


A little help – a little hope

This January 2018, my former partner and I had to break up. Our depressions were triggering each other too hard. We just spent two great weeks together, and decided that we can't be in a relationship.


Vor ungefähr einer Woche ist die Beziehung mit meinem Lieblingsmenschen auf einen Höhe-, bzw. in diesem Kontext Tiefpunkt gekocht. Unserer beider Depressionen und psychischen Eigenheiten die wir uns nicht aussuchen haben sich immer mehr gegenseitig verstärkt und verschlimmert.

The Other Side of Suicide

This. Oh dear.

The Ochre Muse

I was depressed for the better part of a decade, and I spent most of it trying to die and not to die. I had become intolerant of the simplest parts of staying alive: eating, working, sleeping.

I crossed the road without looking.
I fell asleep in the bath.
I returned to suicidal matters for the third time that year.

I just wanted my brain to shut up, but on it went, year upon year. Then my emotions retreated, and I returned to numbness.

There are no easy ways to kill yourself, and few painless ways to die. Through all my planning, I was brought back to life raging, churning my suicidal ideation around and around in my mind as though it would curdle if I stopped.


Depression is relentless. It chips away your character until the only things left are the skeletal remains of your old self. I couldn’t…

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