Once every month or two, I wake up particularly depressed. Every person with depression knows that there are better and worse days for no apparent, quantifiable reason; sometimes the world just seems worse from the second you wake up from sleep. The ratio between good and bad ones shifting is a good indicator for having … Continue reading Seconds of utopia
Stability
I started changing my dating behaviour about 1.5 years ago, and it's become clearer and clearer to me that what I want - need - from people in my life is stability. Reliability. Strength. Not as in, being strong for me - but enabling me to be able to, give me the strength to, the … Continue reading Stability
I have a horrible memory. Please remember this.
I have a bad memory. Not just I sometimes forgot appointments or where I put my keys bad. It's atrociously bad. I forget your hair colour and type of pants within a moment after turning away from you (unless I make an active attempt to remember). But it's also not clinically relevant bad - it's … Continue reading I have a horrible memory. Please remember this.
Too much
Everyone in this world is overstrained, overstressed, overloaded right now. That's not even me putting things in perspective, that's just a fact.
Navigating empowerment and isolation
I haven't lived non-monogamy for very long, only 4 years at this point, although I've had the idea around me for 12 years now, so I've been familiar with the existence of non-normative relationships for basically my entire love life. That's a privilege, as I've found. My loneliness trauma has also had a field day with it.
A house of cards of emotional labour
If you always borrow from tomorrow, you'll eventually break.
Onwards and upwards.
Der letzte Eintrag ist ein halbes Jahr her, viele schlimme Dinge sind passiert, mir gehts viel besser, Zeit für ein Update.
The end of the world (is not the end of the world)
Habt ihr schonmal das Gefühl erlebt dass nichts mehr geht? Dass alles vorbei ist? Dass es das jetzt war? Völlige Hilflosigkeit, durch welche das Gehirn dann auch aufgibt zu versuchen den Zusammenbruch zu verhindern? Und dann weint man nur noch weil das das letzte ist was man tun kann? Ausnahmsweise rede ich nicht von einem depressiven Auslöser.
A normal emotion
Tonight, I breached yet another milestone on my way out of depression: I cried at the end of Arrival.
Veröffentlicht
Mein Name steht nun im größten deutschen Magazin über BDSM, den Schlagzeilen, wo ich über Konsens schreibe.
jatenk 